A Framework for Adjusting a Morning (or Midday, Evening, etc) Routine
Using routine as a supportive anchor
My morning isn’t working for me at the moment. As I thought through how I might want to adjust things, it reminded me of how frustrated I get with the random folks who tell me what to do. People like the 5am Club guy who suggests that we should get up at 5a and spend 20 minutes in intense exercise, 20 minutes reflecting on goals, and 20 minutes learning a new skill. There is nothing wrong with doing any of those things, but he skips right past some important questions. And totally overlooks that reality many folks don’t have autonomy over the first hour of the day. Most people have to get kids out the door (I see school buses in my neighborhood at 6:30a, that’s early!), pets to care for, and/or other responsibilities that make programs like the 5am Club unrealistic. Eventually, it becomes one more thing that makes us feel bad about what we don’t get to do. This conversation is not that (hopefully).
A quick note - while I’m referencing morning here, it doesn’t have to be. The framework I outline below can be used to think through any period of time throughout the day. It can be used to tweak a lunch break, after work, or an evening routine instead. My pain point was morning, so that’s the example I use.
As I started to think through my morning, I set aside all of the shit other people said I should be doing. Learning how others approach their routines can be helpful in providing ideas and new things to consider, but I am against cutting-and-pasting someone else’s routine/schedule/whatever. Not only because it’s highly unlikely that what they need from their morning is the same as what I need from my morning, but I’ve found that I’m much more invested in things I build for myself. I’m more likely to follow through with whatever I create if I put in the effort to develop my own solution.
The Framework
As I considered what needed to change about my morning, I used these questions to help me find what adjustments were needed.
Keep the answers as simple as possible. There’s no need to write anything down, unless that’s helpful. The questions exist simply to help clarify what’s working and what’s not, and to provide a lens through which to create something new.
Reminder: replace morning with whatever part of the day you are trying to tweak
What’s the window of time I’m working with? Be as precise with this as possible.
What needs to be done in the morning? What is non-negotiable? These might be things such as getting kids ready for school, eating breakfast, and feeding the dogs.
How much time do the non-negotiables take? Be realistic with how much time is needed for these.
How does the current version of my morning make me feel? Maybe hurried, ragged, rushed, frantic, stressed.
How do I want morning to feel? Perhaps grounded, calm, centered, focused, rested. Try to pick just one word.
What makes me feel {insert your word here}?
Do I have any flexibility and if so, where? This might include things like making lunch the night before to give myself 15 minutes in the morning to use for something else, or recognizing that I hate getting up early so allowing myself to stay up later at night and gaining 60 extra minutes in the evening to play with. I once worked with someone who spent an hour checking email early in the morning so they could workout as soon as their kids went to school, which is a good example of taking advantage of flexibility.
What practices do I want to include in my day? How low can you place the bar? For example, what about two minutes of meditation instead of 20, one page of free writing rather than three, a short walk through the neighborhood rather than driving to the gym, a few sun salutations beside the bed rather than a 45 minute yoga class?
Which of these practices fit within the time period I’m reworking?
Are there any “rules” I’ve subconsciously or overtly subscribed to? Are these rules serving me? If so, keep them! If not, let them go. A few rules that I regularly break include: I don’t workout first thing in the morning (my doc explicitly told me not to), I use technology early in the morning (I love listening to podcasts while I take care of the puppies and make my breakfast), I don’t meditate in the morning (I’m too distracted).
What else do I want to include? These are the desirables. Maybe this is 15 minutes to drink coffee and read a book, a 10 minute walk at lunch with a colleague or neighbor, or 20 minutes of quiet time before going to bed.
From these questions, I have this information to work with:
How I want to feel
The non-negotiables and how long they take
The amount of time I have to work with
The practice(s) I want to include in this part of my day
The desirable(s)
Then, it’s a puzzle to put together. For the practices and desirables, I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to start with the lowest bar to clear, especially if it is something that’s typically been a challenge or a struggle. Make it easy to follow through. As time goes on, it might be possible to meditate for 10 minutes rather than two, or to free write three pages as opposed to writing a haiku. But in the beginning, determine the smallest dose that still makes it worthwhile and begin there.
Once I have a revised routine worth trying, I try to give it two weeks before I make further adjustments, unless something is really going awry. I can be very routine/habit oriented at certain points during the day, so no change feels great initially. Knowing that about myself helps keep me from making too many changes too quickly.
When I went through this exercise, I discovered that there were only a few components of my morning that needed tweaking. It ended up not being a wholescale reworking, which is what I anticipated when I started. While morning felt the exact opposite of how I wanted it to, the gap between where I was and where I wanted to be ended up being rather small. This happens often for me, the gap isn’t as big as it feels once I take the time to look closer.
I am not someone who loves a ton of structure throughout my day, but I do enjoy having a few anchor points that I can use to keep me grounded. Ritual and routine help me feel a tiny measure of peace in a world that increasingly feels out of control. So while it may feel trivial and self-indulgent to spend this much mental energy on one relatively small aspect of the day, it is not. You deserve to have joy, creativity, movement, and community in your life. Perhaps reimagining your morning (or lunch time/evening/whenever) can help you access some of what you’re craving.
Until next time,
Kim
I have really struggled with my schedule lately. Or rather, the mismatch between my “schedule” and how long it actually takes me to do the things I need to do. It’s left me feeling a bit untethered. I love these questions and how they get to the heart of what we actually need and want.